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Friday, June 20, 2014

Swelter Movie Review

Well Go USA Entertainment  (C) 2014

It is high noon in a sleepy western town!  The story of Swelter swings back ten years when a bank heist of 10 million dollars goes awry. The criminals are put behind bars. Eventually, the men get out, and are looking for the money.

JCVD as Stillman in Swelter (C) 2014 Well Go USA Entertainment

Jean-Claude Van Damme is the criminal mastermind, named Stillman. He is out for revenge in the small sleepy, and I mean really damn sleepy town of Baker.There is a scene in the film where a text crawl actually says "In the middle of F$%in nowhere!" Van Damme is very, very soft spoken, and a quiet reserve in Swelter. His character is too inconspicuous to make an impact.

Swelter tries to be cool, hip, in the vain of Tarantino, High Noon, etc... Sadly the film feels a bid drab, save for a few characters. The doctor, who is consistently trying to be funny, he tells a a patient that he should have opened an abortion clinic, another older lady with a yeast infection, "that she has a brewery down there". The preacher, who uses the "Good Book" as a weapon, and the odd quirky way everyone in the town speaks, acts etc...

Above photo: Courtney Hope as Halle in Swelter (C) 2014 Well Go USA Entertainment

My favorite odd character in the film is Halle, portrayed with coolness and toughness by Courtney Hope. Courtney is one to watch in the business, she has the combination of beauty, brains, and knows how to portray a wide variety of emotions on film. In Swelter, she is the waitress in the small town's diner, and just has to deal with the weirdness that comes through and the bevy of very odd town folk. A patron gets a bit frisky with her and she calmly states he was 'just playin'.  Obviously she has seen it all and nothing phases her, yet she is not cocky or arrogant. More info on her @

Back to our Swelter, more of a tepid, mildly intrepid film:  Why yes you asked, ha, there is the town saloon, The Dry Mouth, it is a combination brothel, bar, place of sexy lady worship, where no one actually gets naked. Seriously, the girls punch a time clock, old-school style, and dance for a bit, and get off stage. Of course there is a bar fight, not entirely sure the reason, no matter, a bar fight always livens a film up.

The sheriff does not carry a gun, and only claims to have shards of memories. In fact, no one in this damn town knows much of anything haha! Will they find the money, what will happen to the loot, how hot is it i the town according to the huge thermometer? The film is definitely not Hollywood happiness on the ending!

Unfortunately, the elements of Swelter all just do not add up, the quirkiness of the film is plagued by very slow moving parts, and characters that are rather uninteresting, and just not thrown enough meat. I rate the film a "very" cautious 5 out of 10, possible marginal rent, but that is about it.  Facebook Official

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